Bust

So March was a complete bust. I had my first weekly gain and decided to just forget about March. I know the scale still shows a 6lbs loss for the month, but it's not just about numbers. I could have lost a lot more but also could have had my head in the game. It's a new month and I'm off to a good start. Yesterday was a little snacky of a day but today I'm on track. Water was good yesterday, I was well over 100oz.
I AM going to the gym after work whether I want to or not. I need to focus on the fact that the gym will make me happy. It will tone my body, get me to my goal, and most important of all it will make me fit and healthy. I need to associate the gym with good... not with bad. So when I get home I'll be charging my ipod, getting dressed, then heading out. Seeing as I haven't been in far too long it's probably going to kick my ass.  But I deserve it. I'm sure my tolerance is going to suck as well. But I need this.
I'll let you know how it goes..
So I'm sad because as of right now my 30lbs are no longer lost. This means serious crunch time this week. I want to lose my gain plus an additional 2lbs to get back on track. This will hopefully put me at 224.5 and make me back in the running for my Birthday goal. I want to see a 1 the morning of my Birthday. I have a little over 9 weeks with about 30lbs to lose. It'll be tricky, especially when I get closer to ONDerland, but I'm hoping to get some big numbers out the first few weeks so I don't have to pull them later on.
Here's the plan:
*Drink 120oz at least of water a day
*5 days of cardio a week
*Some form of exercise EVERY day. (Even crunches or squats)
*Track all food and stay within calories.
*Don't eat dessert more than every other day.
*NO STEPPING ON THE SCALE UNTIL WI DAY ON SATURDAY.
Honestly the hardest part is the last one. I will do my best to follow all of these!!!
:) Here's to being healthy, getting back on track, and having a GREAT April!!

Forgot ...

I forgot to tell some very exciting news yesterday!! So I weighed in and I have now officially lost 30lbs!!! I'm so happy. Another 30 and I'll be in ONEderland. I can't wait to never see a 2 on the scale ever again. Still a ways away but I'll get there!
I brought food with me to work today so I'm hoping for a success. I am going to a birthday party tonight though, hopefully the food options there are reasonable so I don't end the day horribly. I made two dozen cupcakes for it last night though and didn't have one (I did have frosting though.. I'll admit it). But I am proud. There were even three extra that didn't fit in the tray I'm brining over and instead of leaving them for me to eat I rearranged to MAKE them fit.
Well wish me luck for tonight!!! I'll keep you posted on how it goes :)

Also I asked if anyone uses a heart rate monitor a while back but didn't get responses back on that post.. so I'm going to ask again just in case it was missed. And if no one uses them I'll have to figure something else out! Lol. Do you use a heart rate monitor? What kind? What do you think about it?

Have an awesome day!!

Doing alright

So I havent been 100% on plan, but havent been doing horrible either. Ever since one slip up last week I havent been able to completely get my head in the game. I've been good at drinking my water and eating fruit... but I have been really snacky. This is going to be a quick post bc I am on my phone and hate posting through here. I have been reading all of your blogs which is probably the only reason I havent complely gone off the deep end! You all inspire me. I will get back in this full force; I need to. Especially my exercise.. I've totally been slacking on that. I'll keep you posted

<3 Tamara

Lost

So I'm totally not with it. I'm slacking on my posts and slacking everywhere else too. Saturday's weigh-in was 229.4, but the twenties were short lived. The only reason I saw it in the first place is because I wasn't feeling well the night before and practically skipped dinner. Since then it's been horrible. My eating an exercise is not happening the way it should. Monday I went to a family party and was completely off. I didn't eat a lot but I didn't eat the right things. The worst part is I didn't track anything. I need to get my head in the game. I can't just give up, yet that's what I'm feeling. Now to hit my goal I need to average 3lbs a week. That's rough because the lower I fall the harder that 3lb loss will be. I am trying to stay positive and will do the best I can from here on out regardless what the scale says. So far today I've had a fiber one 90 calorie bar and lots of water. Once I feed and get the boys down for their nap I will make myself a big bowl of oatmeal and have already planned tuna for my meal after that. I'm only drinking water. And a lot of it. And will chew gum while feeding the boys so I can't munch on their food. No slip ups. I will get back in this race now. No waiting and no complaining. I wont see good news on the scale unless I work for it.
How do you all jump back on track after a few trying days? I need all the help and support possible, if you have any advice!
Thanks!
Xo Tamara

I need to get with the program..

I need to get my head back in the game. I've been absent, kind of.. I have google reader on my phone so I am up to date with all the blogs I follow, but I haven't been on to post myself. I have felt so out of it the last few days.. I don't feel the motivation I felt in the first couple weeks. My eating hasn't been great, neither has my working out. I have been eating within calories, but I feel like most of what I'm eating are empty calories. It's like I have one real meal and the rest is just snacking, therefore I always feel hungry. I feel guilty admitting things like this! I feel like even though I'm within my calories I'm still failing. I know I need to make my calories worth it, I need my proteins and good carbs.. I need to get full with the right foods. So tomorrow I have my weekly weigh in, and hopefully I'll report good news about my eating. I am off to an alright start, I've had water and a big bowl of fruit for breakfast.
Wish me luck!!

Quick Post

I am absolutely exhausted so this will be quick.
Saturday's weigh in I was down 1.6lbs ... after a rough week I expected that. Thankfully I had a loss though. I am very grateful for that!!
I had a doctors appt on Friday and I was told to up my calories by 300. I'm stressed about this a little because I really don't want this to jeopardize my weight loss, but I don't want under eating to jeopardize my health so I am definitely going to give it a go. Because of my goal for a 2.5lb a week loss, I might play around with my calories if increasing them by 300 isn't pretty on the scale. We'll see! (I'll keep you posted on how it goes)
I'm going to bed because the yawns won't stop.. I'll be a better blogger on more sleep!
Hope you all had a great weekend!

Ohhh Elliptical...

So my main source of cardio exercise is the elliptical. I use them at my gym and the people I work for also have one (yay for being able to work out while working 13hr shifts!). But I have a dilemma with them.. the effin' heart monitors/ calorie counters are driving me CRAZYYYYY!!!
Do you all have the same problems with the inconsistencies? Depending on the machine I can range anywhere from 140-170bpm in the middle of the same intensity workout. I understand that the one at the house vs the ones at the gym are different. The quality is completely different, it's a different brand etc.. But the same things happens with the machines at the gym. They are the same make and model, yet I'm getting completely different figures. Like I said the heart rate range is way off but so are the calories. It annoys the hell out of me!
Because of this I've been contemplating getting a heart rate monitor watch that can track calories as well. Does anyone have one? Are they accurate? Do you like it?
I've been doing research but the reviews are SO up and down.. therefore I'd really like to hear some info firsthand before dumping that kind of money on something, so let me know! Thanks
Um, I've weighed myself. Sorry, I'm addicted and really don't know how to stop. I know I need to because that weekly number is so much better than the daily ones that drive me crazy, but I like to stay on track. Obviously if I go up two days in a row I'm doing something wrong.. and I'd like to know that. So I'm back down a pound from my last weigh in, which unfortunately was my weight on Sunday. But I'm back, at least the scale has been moving in the right direction. I HATE up!
I need to admit I've been slacking on water and vegetables. We really need to clean out our refrigerator and make a trip to the grocery store so I have no more excuses. So that's what I'm working on: Water, veggies, and no slip ups (even if they are small)!
I have two more days until next weigh in so I have lots of work if I want to hit that 2.5 which turned into 5 after gaining!! I can and WILL do this!!
<3

i want to quit..

Days like today I want to quit.
I gained ANOTHER pound when I got on the scale this morning, which means in three days I've lost one and gained THREE? How is this possible. I know my food selections weren't great but I was still under calories and have had 3 good cardio sessions... so what the hell?
I don't want to seem like a downer but this is very depressing. I now have to lose two pounds just to get to where I was. I am stressed at losing 2 pounds in general.. I don't want to add another two to that total to fix mistakes. I haven't been toning so it is doubtful it's muscle.
Any ideas?
I need all the help I can get right now. This mindset needs to change pronto because I try to be so positive throughout this process.
Hopefully I will be chipper next post.

XO Tamara

Slip up? (And Saturday's weigh-in)

So the boys I nanny for turned one and had their party on Saturday. I was so proud of myself.. I didn't eat the munchies other than veggies and I only had a small sliver of the party sub (I even took the cheese and pepperoni off it!) Most impressive of all.. I had NOO cake! I couldn't believe it. I told myself I was allowed to have a tiny itty bitty piece-a bite or two, but when it was time for cake I didn't even want it. I was so proud of myself!....

And then today happened...

So I came to work with a bag full of food. A mango, cucumber, bag of carrots, yogurt & more... I was prepared!  What is the first thing I put in my mouth today? CAKE! I had a week moment and had a few bites! What  was I thinking? After I ate it I was so upset with myself. I immediately tracked it, and will do my best not to go over calories today.. but I still can't believe it even happened in the first place. If I didn't need it yesterday, what would changed about today? Lack of will power? I know I was hungry, I didn't get a chance to eat before my morning routine with the kiddos, but that is no excuse. I made myself exercise extra well today. I used the elliptical while the boys were sleeping, and then we went on a 45min walk with them in this beautiful 75 degree weather. Burning over 400 calories (which I know that beats the cakes ass... but still lol) Hopefully that will take care of any damage I could have done.
Ok, I'm over it.. putting it behind me.
And we're done with that...

So, I weighed in on Saturday hoping for my 2.5lb loss, and got a 3.6lb loss instead! I was very very happy with that! So happy in fact that I have been getting a little scale happy again (not that it truly ever stopped) and I'm weighing myself once, or more a day. Yesterday I was another pound less and was so thrilled, but then this morning I weigh in and was 2lbs up!! I was extremely bummed because I had the best cardio session I've ever had (this time around) at the gym yesterday, and to see a gain I was devastated. But weigh in isn't until Sat again, so I'm not going to get discouraged.
If I see damage from the cake tomorrow morning I may.... I can't make any promises.

How do you all handle slip ups and or gains on the scale?

Talk to you bloggers later :)

Oh girl scouts....

So the boy picked up Eddy's Slow Churned Girl Scout Somoas ice cream. OMG It's delicious! I just sent a text message to Steven saying that I now want to mug a Girl Scout... and I'm not lying. I want the cookies now. Bad. How can everything be fine one second and the next I feel like I can eat a house full of sugar?! I've been lucky and haven't been itching to eat anything too bad. When counting calories I just leave myself some room if I want this or that or something sweet etc.. but tonight I just can't get a grip! I thought the ice cream would be a good idea but instead it just has me craving for more. I'm trying to tell myself.. look at the progress you've made.. you don't want to go back to how you used to be- but honestly. Yes. I. Do!! I want to have a nice box of girl scout cookies to eat!! Lol. I may not eat the whole thing which I could do in a night easily before.. but I'd like the option  to have them without stressing about my arm flub, fourteen chins or ass! I want a diet hall-pass! Of course I won't allow myself that because I really hate re-losing weight I have gained back.. but if the hall-pass came with no repercussions I would definitely take it. Is it bad that I don't feel guilty for these feelings? Ohhhhh well!!

So I got a good workout on the elliptical today. (Good for me at least, that thing kicks my ass!!) I've decided to take a Shred break. I need to make a Dr's appt because I believe I injured my knee doing the video. I made sure I had good form, I just believe (because of a problem I have with my foot) that the muscles in my legs aren't strong enough (because of some deterioration) to support my knee.. so I'll see what the doctor says. I'm hoping that I can build the muscle back up with some physical therapy.. keep your fingers crossed because I'm actually scared they're going to tell me that I can't get my muscle tone back. Ah, ok I'm not going to stress about that now!

So my eating today was horrible. I think I reached my calories but not in a good way. I had an orange for breakfast. Some of the babies food for lunch (not literally baby food, I ate the crust from their toast and some extra cheese I cut, and some fruit.) Then when I got home I had 2 Kashi whole grain blueberry waffles with light cream cheese on top and then the ice cream which gave me horrible images of stealing from little girls! Lol. So I had absolutely no veggies, and I really didn't eat much food. Tsk Tsk. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Goodnight all :)

Late night meal and good news!

I've been absent!! At the same time I haven't had much to report.. so I guess my blogs wouldn't have been exciting anyways.
I was bad and ate my dinner at 11pm this evening. Apparently I lost track of time. I got out of work at 8, and of course went right into cleaning because our place is a mess. After I got everything done I decided it would be good to workout before I crash because I'm exhausted. I really need to get better at the whole sleep thing because I know it helps in this process. The night before last I worked a 13hr shift on 3hrs of sleep (NOT a good idea!!) So that's what I'm going to work on- making time for myself to sleep. Hopefully that will make me feel better AND reflect in the scale!
I'm nervous about my weigh in on Saturday.. I've decided to try to lose 2.5lbs a week because my first mini goal is to be in onederland by my birthday in June (another ~38lbs to lose). I'm nervous about this goal because obviously the more you lose the harder it  is, so I hope it's not too unrealistic. What do you all think?
I got great news this week!! First I find out my favorite band is playing at our House of Blues which means I don't have to travel to see them! Yay! (Go Rise Against, I <3 you lol). And we also found out that 4 of our friends are coming during spring break in March! Even though they're "the guys" and my boyfriends friends I really am excited. They're all goofballs and we always have a blast when we all hangout. Of course I work long shifts everyday they will be here so it will only leaves nights for me to hang with all of them.. a little bummed about that but hopefully that means I'll stay on track with my eating and exercise.
Alright, well I'm going to get off so I can hit the sack!  Talk to you soon!

Cleaning.. cleaning.. and more cleaning.

That was my Sunday. I usually clean a bit on every day off just so nothing piles up or so I don't feel overwhelmed.. but I wanted everything done today. Tomorrow we're getting a new TV delivered and I am SO excited. I'm not a big TV watcher (I do have my shows..) But it was just really hard to go from an HDTV back to a crappy tube TV (our last one we had to send back because it started messing up on the last day of our warranty!) So tomorrow I will probably gush about the -hopefully- beautiful TV.
So I cleaned so I didn't have much to worry about after work other than being able to get it hooked up because my honey won't be home. I'm actually excited to try Shred on it!! It'll be awesome to be able to just turn the TV because it swivels, unlike having to big the big ass tube TV up just so I can see it in the open area of our living room.
I had a lazy eating day and I'm hoping it's not going to have negative results on the scale. I didn't drink enough water and I only had two servings of veggies in my big salad for lunch. I made oatmeal for breakfast AND dinner. I think I'm addicted to it. Bad, or good? I'm not sure. I think I need to find a different sweetener though, having brown sugar twice a day probably isn't too smart.
I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend!!

Thank you... Jillian?

Today was weigh in day and I'm pretty happy with the results. It first said 238.6 and then I got 238.8, so I went with the higher just to be safe! (I don't want to sabotage next weeks weigh in.)
So do I thank Jillian. I did do her dvd again last night, shortly after I went to the GYM! Yes, you heard me correctly... I worked out twice yesterday! Granted the gym was just a quick cardio visit. Steven (the boy) and I decided to hit it fast before he had to get ready for work. But I am still impressed with the fact that I pushed myself to do the dvd after I had worked out.
I had a delish dinner last night. I really didn't feel like cooking so I figured oatmeal would be a good choice. I had plenty of calories left so I would have been able to fix it up anyway I wanted! So I made a cup of oatmeal (very large portion I found out... and I did lose some in the microwave from overflowage lol) and I added a little bit of light brown sugar, cinnamon, and a tablespoon of peanut butter, and a dash of splenda (so I didn't have to add more brown sugar) And let me tell you... It was amazing. I couldn't come close to finishing it though!
Alright well I don't think I have much else exciting to say.
Have a good day!!!

So I decided to go ahead and do the 30 Day Shred last night again for round 2. I figured to try for lower intensities for workouts that hurt my back, but attempt full force on others. I'm glad I did it because I don't feel as bad as I thought I might, but she still is an ass kicker. When trying to figure out which dvd to buy I convinced myself to go with Jillian and not the Biggest Loser for exactly this reason. (I wanted her to beat me up and yell at me to do it!) Did I really want that though? Haha. I'm happy with my decision. I'll stick with my Level 1 for a while though... it's hard enough- believe me.
I also took the boys for a nice walk yesterday. It was in the low 70's and was absolutely gorgeous!!! I actually worked up a little sweat which is always good.
I didn't sneak attack the kids snacks! Well that's a lie, I ate some cut up fruit and a piece of cheese, but counted it all.. and it was a lot better than the day before. I came home and grilled up some chicken for dinner and was right on track with my calories!
I'm hoping to get to the gym with my man today.. that's if he wakes up anytime soon. (Gotta love his closing shift) If not I plan on going for a walk- with attempts at jogging thrown in there- because I just got new shoes to wear with my brace. That's a whole other story, but I have a condition called drop foot (or foot drop) from a failed back surgery. I can't lift my toes up or really move my foot from side to side on my right foot. It sucks, but I live with it. But the brace actually keeps the toe area of my foot up so I'm not straining my knee and hips. I got it a year after my surgery (in 2006 I believe) and really have never used it. Once starting this regiment I busted it out and was using in on walks but realized my sneakers were wayyyy too small for it. So yesterday I got my shoes! I felt like it took forever, but I know I was just eager to see if they work. A size larger and in a wide- they should!
So I'm nervous for my weigh in tomorrow because of my once a month, but I'll get over it.. and next week could be a bigger lose because of it.
Happy Blogging :)

Ugh!

I will say that I do love the fact that we as women get to be mothers and carry children, but I do not enjoy the monthly visitor we get to make that happen. I'm a nanny and I swear I picked at all the snacks I fed the babies. Luckily I calculated my calories to the best of my abilities (we figuring out bites of things.. lol) and I didn't do damage and am still in range, but WHERE is my self control! I want to blame in on the fact that I have my period but honestly that is just an excuse. I know I didn't need to eat it. I brought my food and there was plenty of it. Oh well.. what's done is done. Hopefully I can find that control tomorrow.
My ass STILL hurts from Jillian Michaels. I took the boys for a 1.5mile walk today because I don't know if I could have been able to hold my own on the elliptical. I live in a condo on the 3rd floor and getting home was a good enough workout in itself! Haha. I do think I may try to video again tomorrow after work just to work the muscles out again- I know that will actually help the pain.. but I'm scared of it hurting my back again (At least I'd have Friday off if I need another recovery day!)
Well I don't think anything else interesting happened today, then again when you work a 13hr shift you don't have much free time for those interesting things. Hopefully I don't return tomorrow with another snacking story. If I do that every week I get my monthly visitor I see serious potential for damage. Ahh.
Hope all is well with all of you!

Scale Junkie..

Yep, that's me. So when I'm home I get on that glass square all the time. I think I need to break the habit before it becomes an addiction! Who is it helping to see a 2lb gain in a matter of 45 minutes? I know it's not helping me, quite frankly it's frustrating. So instead of having to convince myself that our bodies can fluctuate up and down 5lbs a day I could just not get on the scale in the first place and avoid the stress. You would think I could convince myself to do that but unfortunately it's easier said than done.
So the boy and I went out for dinner last night... let me tell ya it takes a lot of the romance out of the process having to sit in front of the computer looking up menus that have Low-Cal options. First finding a place that we actually wanted to go was pretty much out of the question. I was excited at first because we still have an unused Olive Garden gift card from Christmas and that's like a double whammy, free & delicious, well when I went online to check my fav dish out.. over 1500 calories, main dish alone. So I even calculated eating half of my dish and just having a salad and a breadstick or two, it was STILL too high. I'm ok with eating a light brunch and saving Cals for dinner.. but I'm not ok eating over all from one meal. After that I got all pissy because I refused to go to Olive Garden and get something that I wasn't interested in. I felt like a baby for that 30 seconds and then got over it. Lol. So we settled on Applebees. (How romantic haha). But we were impressed of actually having a selection-of more than just salads-for Low-Cal. They have a menu of meals 550 and under. I'm glad I didn't have to cook or clean.. but wasn't too thrilled with dinner. The portion wasn't all too filling, but that left room for my skinny cow dessert when I got home so I can't complain too bad.
Do any of you know good places to go when on a restricted caloric diet?
So I kicked my own ass today, or shall I say Jillian Michaels kicked my ass for me. At costco the other day I decided to buy 30 Day Shred for days I didn't feel like going to the gym. I figured I'd do it right before work today for a good 20min workout.. and boy oh boy was that a mistake!! My back is killing and my inner thighs are aching. If I didn't have bad back problems already I wouldn't be complaining, because I actually don't mind a post-workout burn.. but I think I might have not been ready for that workout. So I think I'll stick to the gym for now until I go see a doctor, or try to modify it a little more than the modified version.. but that might be hard with her saying "I know it burns, but no breaks" lol. I'm a sucker for trying to keep everyone happy... even a person on DVD apparently. I hope I'm not the only person out there that feels guilty if I give up when there are still 5 jumping jacks to go.. haha
Alright well I am going to attempt to stretch my aching body!
TTYL

Hello, world!

My name is Tamara, I'm 23 years old, and I am a big girl. I've been big since the age of 7 and I am sick of it. After having my weight yo-yo up and down ever since my teens I have decided that this is my year. A new year, new changes, new habits- all to a better and new ME!
So I have been on this journey since January 16th and luckily I have been consistently losing. But the first few weigh ins are usually nice- right? I've decided to just count calories and exercise on my own (well, with my boyfriend). It's my first time going about this without a true plan, without someone telling me what to do and what to eat. Am I crazy starting such a long journey that way? I hope not!!
So I should probably get into the dreadful numbers, huh? I'm going to start out by saying that I was scared to buy a scale. The scale actually tells me the truth. It shows me the damage I've done to myself. I couldn't throw on my broken-in loose jeans and pretend that I haven't gain any weight, that doesn't fool the scale. But we got one, and I actually stepped on it without hesitation. I wasn't excited to see the number per se, but I was excited to start moving forward in this process, and see that number for the last time.
1/16- 257.2lbs
Since then I have been counting calories and getting to the gym as much as possible. I've only missed a few days actually, but also have had to work myself up to working out (I'm not going 2hrs every day). Let me tell ya- the elliptical actually kicks my ass. I sweat like a dog! At least I know it's working.. So my weigh-ins up to date or this:
1/23- 251.0 (-6.2lbs!)
1/31- 249.4 (-1.6lbs)
2/5- 247.4 (-2lbs)
2/12- 244.4 (-3lbs)
I will say I miss that first weigh it, but I am in now way complaining! A loss is a loss, and averaging 3lbs a week is (I think) something to be proud of. So I've been thinking about goals and my goal weight, I've decided to lose 100lbs. Technically this could still be considered overweight (157lbs) but that's just ridiculous to me. Let me get there and decide for myself, lol. A chart isn't me, neither are numbers on a piece of paper. So I'll decide what's my healthy when I get there.

I think I'll get used to blogging. Logging onto my own and making a post will be the hardest- I like to just read others' and get inspiration from them. Hopefully I'll meet some great people in this journey, I look forward to it! (That is if people read it.. haha)
Thanks!!,
Tamara