i want to quit..

Days like today I want to quit.
I gained ANOTHER pound when I got on the scale this morning, which means in three days I've lost one and gained THREE? How is this possible. I know my food selections weren't great but I was still under calories and have had 3 good cardio sessions... so what the hell?
I don't want to seem like a downer but this is very depressing. I now have to lose two pounds just to get to where I was. I am stressed at losing 2 pounds in general.. I don't want to add another two to that total to fix mistakes. I haven't been toning so it is doubtful it's muscle.
Any ideas?
I need all the help I can get right now. This mindset needs to change pronto because I try to be so positive throughout this process.
Hopefully I will be chipper next post.

XO Tamara

Slip up? (And Saturday's weigh-in)

So the boys I nanny for turned one and had their party on Saturday. I was so proud of myself.. I didn't eat the munchies other than veggies and I only had a small sliver of the party sub (I even took the cheese and pepperoni off it!) Most impressive of all.. I had NOO cake! I couldn't believe it. I told myself I was allowed to have a tiny itty bitty piece-a bite or two, but when it was time for cake I didn't even want it. I was so proud of myself!....

And then today happened...

So I came to work with a bag full of food. A mango, cucumber, bag of carrots, yogurt & more... I was prepared!  What is the first thing I put in my mouth today? CAKE! I had a week moment and had a few bites! What  was I thinking? After I ate it I was so upset with myself. I immediately tracked it, and will do my best not to go over calories today.. but I still can't believe it even happened in the first place. If I didn't need it yesterday, what would changed about today? Lack of will power? I know I was hungry, I didn't get a chance to eat before my morning routine with the kiddos, but that is no excuse. I made myself exercise extra well today. I used the elliptical while the boys were sleeping, and then we went on a 45min walk with them in this beautiful 75 degree weather. Burning over 400 calories (which I know that beats the cakes ass... but still lol) Hopefully that will take care of any damage I could have done.
Ok, I'm over it.. putting it behind me.
And we're done with that...

So, I weighed in on Saturday hoping for my 2.5lb loss, and got a 3.6lb loss instead! I was very very happy with that! So happy in fact that I have been getting a little scale happy again (not that it truly ever stopped) and I'm weighing myself once, or more a day. Yesterday I was another pound less and was so thrilled, but then this morning I weigh in and was 2lbs up!! I was extremely bummed because I had the best cardio session I've ever had (this time around) at the gym yesterday, and to see a gain I was devastated. But weigh in isn't until Sat again, so I'm not going to get discouraged.
If I see damage from the cake tomorrow morning I may.... I can't make any promises.

How do you all handle slip ups and or gains on the scale?

Talk to you bloggers later :)

Oh girl scouts....

So the boy picked up Eddy's Slow Churned Girl Scout Somoas ice cream. OMG It's delicious! I just sent a text message to Steven saying that I now want to mug a Girl Scout... and I'm not lying. I want the cookies now. Bad. How can everything be fine one second and the next I feel like I can eat a house full of sugar?! I've been lucky and haven't been itching to eat anything too bad. When counting calories I just leave myself some room if I want this or that or something sweet etc.. but tonight I just can't get a grip! I thought the ice cream would be a good idea but instead it just has me craving for more. I'm trying to tell myself.. look at the progress you've made.. you don't want to go back to how you used to be- but honestly. Yes. I. Do!! I want to have a nice box of girl scout cookies to eat!! Lol. I may not eat the whole thing which I could do in a night easily before.. but I'd like the option  to have them without stressing about my arm flub, fourteen chins or ass! I want a diet hall-pass! Of course I won't allow myself that because I really hate re-losing weight I have gained back.. but if the hall-pass came with no repercussions I would definitely take it. Is it bad that I don't feel guilty for these feelings? Ohhhhh well!!

So I got a good workout on the elliptical today. (Good for me at least, that thing kicks my ass!!) I've decided to take a Shred break. I need to make a Dr's appt because I believe I injured my knee doing the video. I made sure I had good form, I just believe (because of a problem I have with my foot) that the muscles in my legs aren't strong enough (because of some deterioration) to support my knee.. so I'll see what the doctor says. I'm hoping that I can build the muscle back up with some physical therapy.. keep your fingers crossed because I'm actually scared they're going to tell me that I can't get my muscle tone back. Ah, ok I'm not going to stress about that now!

So my eating today was horrible. I think I reached my calories but not in a good way. I had an orange for breakfast. Some of the babies food for lunch (not literally baby food, I ate the crust from their toast and some extra cheese I cut, and some fruit.) Then when I got home I had 2 Kashi whole grain blueberry waffles with light cream cheese on top and then the ice cream which gave me horrible images of stealing from little girls! Lol. So I had absolutely no veggies, and I really didn't eat much food. Tsk Tsk. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Goodnight all :)

Late night meal and good news!

I've been absent!! At the same time I haven't had much to report.. so I guess my blogs wouldn't have been exciting anyways.
I was bad and ate my dinner at 11pm this evening. Apparently I lost track of time. I got out of work at 8, and of course went right into cleaning because our place is a mess. After I got everything done I decided it would be good to workout before I crash because I'm exhausted. I really need to get better at the whole sleep thing because I know it helps in this process. The night before last I worked a 13hr shift on 3hrs of sleep (NOT a good idea!!) So that's what I'm going to work on- making time for myself to sleep. Hopefully that will make me feel better AND reflect in the scale!
I'm nervous about my weigh in on Saturday.. I've decided to try to lose 2.5lbs a week because my first mini goal is to be in onederland by my birthday in June (another ~38lbs to lose). I'm nervous about this goal because obviously the more you lose the harder it  is, so I hope it's not too unrealistic. What do you all think?
I got great news this week!! First I find out my favorite band is playing at our House of Blues which means I don't have to travel to see them! Yay! (Go Rise Against, I <3 you lol). And we also found out that 4 of our friends are coming during spring break in March! Even though they're "the guys" and my boyfriends friends I really am excited. They're all goofballs and we always have a blast when we all hangout. Of course I work long shifts everyday they will be here so it will only leaves nights for me to hang with all of them.. a little bummed about that but hopefully that means I'll stay on track with my eating and exercise.
Alright, well I'm going to get off so I can hit the sack!  Talk to you soon!

Cleaning.. cleaning.. and more cleaning.

That was my Sunday. I usually clean a bit on every day off just so nothing piles up or so I don't feel overwhelmed.. but I wanted everything done today. Tomorrow we're getting a new TV delivered and I am SO excited. I'm not a big TV watcher (I do have my shows..) But it was just really hard to go from an HDTV back to a crappy tube TV (our last one we had to send back because it started messing up on the last day of our warranty!) So tomorrow I will probably gush about the -hopefully- beautiful TV.
So I cleaned so I didn't have much to worry about after work other than being able to get it hooked up because my honey won't be home. I'm actually excited to try Shred on it!! It'll be awesome to be able to just turn the TV because it swivels, unlike having to big the big ass tube TV up just so I can see it in the open area of our living room.
I had a lazy eating day and I'm hoping it's not going to have negative results on the scale. I didn't drink enough water and I only had two servings of veggies in my big salad for lunch. I made oatmeal for breakfast AND dinner. I think I'm addicted to it. Bad, or good? I'm not sure. I think I need to find a different sweetener though, having brown sugar twice a day probably isn't too smart.
I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend!!

Thank you... Jillian?

Today was weigh in day and I'm pretty happy with the results. It first said 238.6 and then I got 238.8, so I went with the higher just to be safe! (I don't want to sabotage next weeks weigh in.)
So do I thank Jillian. I did do her dvd again last night, shortly after I went to the GYM! Yes, you heard me correctly... I worked out twice yesterday! Granted the gym was just a quick cardio visit. Steven (the boy) and I decided to hit it fast before he had to get ready for work. But I am still impressed with the fact that I pushed myself to do the dvd after I had worked out.
I had a delish dinner last night. I really didn't feel like cooking so I figured oatmeal would be a good choice. I had plenty of calories left so I would have been able to fix it up anyway I wanted! So I made a cup of oatmeal (very large portion I found out... and I did lose some in the microwave from overflowage lol) and I added a little bit of light brown sugar, cinnamon, and a tablespoon of peanut butter, and a dash of splenda (so I didn't have to add more brown sugar) And let me tell you... It was amazing. I couldn't come close to finishing it though!
Alright well I don't think I have much else exciting to say.
Have a good day!!!

So I decided to go ahead and do the 30 Day Shred last night again for round 2. I figured to try for lower intensities for workouts that hurt my back, but attempt full force on others. I'm glad I did it because I don't feel as bad as I thought I might, but she still is an ass kicker. When trying to figure out which dvd to buy I convinced myself to go with Jillian and not the Biggest Loser for exactly this reason. (I wanted her to beat me up and yell at me to do it!) Did I really want that though? Haha. I'm happy with my decision. I'll stick with my Level 1 for a while though... it's hard enough- believe me.
I also took the boys for a nice walk yesterday. It was in the low 70's and was absolutely gorgeous!!! I actually worked up a little sweat which is always good.
I didn't sneak attack the kids snacks! Well that's a lie, I ate some cut up fruit and a piece of cheese, but counted it all.. and it was a lot better than the day before. I came home and grilled up some chicken for dinner and was right on track with my calories!
I'm hoping to get to the gym with my man today.. that's if he wakes up anytime soon. (Gotta love his closing shift) If not I plan on going for a walk- with attempts at jogging thrown in there- because I just got new shoes to wear with my brace. That's a whole other story, but I have a condition called drop foot (or foot drop) from a failed back surgery. I can't lift my toes up or really move my foot from side to side on my right foot. It sucks, but I live with it. But the brace actually keeps the toe area of my foot up so I'm not straining my knee and hips. I got it a year after my surgery (in 2006 I believe) and really have never used it. Once starting this regiment I busted it out and was using in on walks but realized my sneakers were wayyyy too small for it. So yesterday I got my shoes! I felt like it took forever, but I know I was just eager to see if they work. A size larger and in a wide- they should!
So I'm nervous for my weigh in tomorrow because of my once a month, but I'll get over it.. and next week could be a bigger lose because of it.
Happy Blogging :)